Well there are only 2 reasons:
- We assume that our need is understood
- We are afraid to ask
The solution to the first reason is obvious and simple: we should never assume. No matter how good we feel we are at getting our point across; no matter how obvious our implied need appears to us; it can never be assumed that everyone has understood. The only sure way of getting our message across is to ask for what we want.
But what if we are afraid to ask? It’s easy to say that you just need to face your fear and ask the question, but in most cases this won’t work in practice. What we need is a technique that we can use to help us overcome the fear barrier. A really effective technique that I use is the IMB MO, or I Mean Business Modus Operandi and it’s a 7 step process:
1.
Identify what you want
2.
Identify the negative thinking that will get in your way
3.
Overcome your negative thinking
- Face your fear
-
Get help, there are plenty of books (or see a good coach!)
4.
Practise asking
- Use a script
- Plan your approach
- Use a friend or colleague as a guinea pig
5.
Ask the question
6.
Reward yourself for asking
7.
Evaluate how well you did
- Learn and modify
The key to using this technique effectively is identifying and overcoming your negative thinking. It’s worth talking through issues with someone you can trust so that you get another viewpoint. We all have a tendency to be hard on ourselves and asking someone else’s opinion prevents this happening.
Practising is also important. It has 2 key benefits:
1. It allows us to develop and test a strategy for asking - who, when and how
2.
It imprints the process on our brain & helps prevent us freezing in the stress of the moment
The key to effective questioning is making it easy to say yes. Let’s consider asking someone for a referral. You could jump straight in and say something like:
“Could you refer me to your contacts?”
Instead, how about this series of questions:
“How have you benefitted from my services?”
“In what ways do you think they would be useful to other people?”
“Who do you know who might benefit from my services?”
“What names could you give me?”
And finally:
“It would really helpful if you could ring them first and ask them to expect my call, but I’m happy to ring them directly, which would you prefer?”
Each step in the process makes it easy to say yes and leads our client through the process of referring us to their contacts.
Other points to take note of when devising your questioning strategy are:
- Only ask for what can be given
- Always assume that you can get what you ask for
- Only ask someone who can give what you are asking for
Although we have used it to overcome our fear of the consequences of asking questions, the IMB MO is a really useful technique for improving our assertiveness in other areas. You can use it to help you get your point across in many situations.
So think carefully about the things that you want. Have you asked for them? If not, what’s stopping you? Overcome your self-imposed barriers and get asking – you may be pleasantly surprised at the answers you get!
Further reading:
Say What You Mean Get What You Want, Judith C Tingley
The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
Contact your nearest Ology Business Coach now.
Written by Sean Meeghan, Ology Coach, Bradford, UK
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